


Hold On (If Love Is The Answer)

by silkeborgriver



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Pining, basically everyone is a little gay and a little lost, that's the story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 05:14:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18439769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkeborgriver/pseuds/silkeborgriver
Summary: In a parallel universe, these touches mean he loves you.In a parallel universe, you don’t love him so these touches don't hurt you.In a parallel universe, you have your implant, you have your soulmate, you are not alone.In a parallel universe, there are no implants and Even would choose you.





	Hold On (If Love Is The Answer)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for both the Skam fandom and in general - so hello! 
> 
> This work is loosely inspired by the 2009 film Timer, in that I have the mechanics of their implant soulmate system. It does not follow the same plot though. 
> 
> (I will also update tags/relationships/etc, as new chapters come out) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**LØRDAG 1:04**

 

Eskild’s timer is set to hit zero in 45 minutes. So naturally Isak finds himself in a sweaty nightclub, quickly veering from drunk to sloppy as a means of coping.

 

It really shouldn’t bother him this much. Eskild is far from the first of his friends to reach the end of their countdown, so it’s not that he isn’t used to this.

 

Yet, not even a week ago, Eskild was loudly lamenting about how this was the ‘end-of-an-era, the loss of his wild and promiscuous youth’ and now he’s preening on the dance floor as he not-so surreptitiously eyes the men around him, waiting desperately for his soulmate to appear. Such a dramatic shift in character, all because of a tiny wrist implant. It’s bullshit.

 

“She’s bored of me, isn’t she?” Jonas’ glum whisper pulls Isak out of his grumpy inner-monologue. Isak scrunches his face in confusion before turning around in his seat at the bar. There’s Eva grinding on Vilde on the dance floor while her _only-and-forever_ Jonas is helplessly watching the display from afar.

“What? You think that just because she’s dancing with _Vilde?_ Look man, you know how Eva gets when she drinks. Don’t read anything into it. Eva rubbing her ass into her is, um, I don’t know, like, gals being pals… or whatever” Before he even finishes, he knows how stupidly unhelpful his comment is and, sure enough, he feels a whack to the head moments later.

 

“Gals being pals? Really Isak?”

 

Isak reaches for his drink to avoid having to respond, only to find himself trying to chug from an empty glass. Wasn’t that full just a second ago?

 

“Ugh, you know what I mean! Eva is just an affectionate drunk! She’s still yours.” Isak flings his glass around in an exasperated fashion, dropping the last few ice cubes into his lap. Excellent.

 

Jonas scoffs. “I’m not saying she’s hooking up with Vilde. Just - she’s been so distant lately. She only spoke like two words to me tonight before running off with the girls. She’s never around the flat anymore, always at work or with her friends.”

 

“Oh boy, the irony is the killing me”

 

“What irony? What the fuck dude?”

 

Isak can’t help himself from giggling. “God don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about our favourite cabin trip!”

 

“Ugh, no, definitely fuck you dude. I’m drunk and insecure, and you want to bring up the cabin trip?”

 

Isak puts up two fingers over each eyebrow to poorly imitate Jonas’ thick brows, and in a lovesick voice, begins “Oooh Eva, I love you sooo much. You’re my soulmate. My destiny…” He furrows his brows and drops his voice two registers. “But, um, for real, I’m here to chill with my sickest bro Issy K, smoke some dope, bring down capitalism, and um, you being a clingy friendless loser is really ruining the vib - mmffph!!”

 

Jonas muffles Isak with his hand and puts him in a playful chokehold. “Okay! Yes! Point taken! No more reminders of how much of a douche I was at 15 please.”

 

The mood shifts back from teasing to solemn when they look up at Eva and Vilde, bumping foreheads and giggling in each other’s arms. Jonas lets Isak free, resuming a defeated posture and sighing. Isak can barely make out what Jonas says over the club music. “God, when’s the last time we were like that?”  

 

Isak can only shrug, watching Jonas mindlessly trace his implant, still flashing zero after all these years. In moments like these, it feels positively mocking.

 

Time’s up.

 

_

 

Jonas soon wanders off for a smoke, but Isak isn’t left alone with his thoughts for more than a second before a stranger, all tall and lanky, pulls up beside him, leaning sideways along the counter and shamelessly eye-fucking him.

 

“How much time do you have left darling?” It’s a grating question - the kind of pick-up line used by guys looking to be your last mateless fuck - but Isak doesn’t get to be picky. And he’s definitely too drunk for standards anyways. So he mirrors the man’s posture and returns his gaze.

 

“Like it matters. Toilets?” And, alright, Isak admits his response can’t quite be described as romantic either, but, when that territory is reserved for soulmates, why pretend this is something it’s not?

 

The stranger smirks. “Good answer” He whispers in Isak’s ear.

 

So Isak finds himself being shoved into a grimy stall and pushed down onto his knees. The man hastily fumbles with his jeans and pulls his dick out with his right hand. Isak leans in, ready to take him in, but the man is jacking himself off - getting in the way really - so Isak goes to swat his arm away.

 

And that’s when Isak notices it. The implant.

 

58 seconds.

 

“What the fuck, what the fuck, _what the fuck!_ ” Isak scrambles up on his feet and pushes the guy away, running for the door. He whips back towards the stall, where the man is casually buttoning up his jeans, with an incredulous stare. “A minute, seriously?”

 

“I thought you said it didn’t matter”

 

“Yeah one day, maybe, or a fucking week, not your last fucking minute! I’m getting out of here, you sick fuck!”

 

He bolts out of the bathroom, head facing down, hoping to make it out of the club without notice. So of course he bumps into Eskild.

 

“Baby gay! You’ve arrived just in time for me to meet my suitor!” Eskild leans in, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, “Or maybe it’s been you all along”

 

Isak stutters.

 

Then the stranger emerges from the bathroom and locks eyes with Eskild, the sound of synchronised beating emitting from their wrists. Or is that Isak’s heart he’s hearing trying to force its way out of his chest?

 

“I-I-I’m going to be sick. I-I have to go.”

 

Isak pushes past Eskild, unprepared to deal with the situation unfolding before him, racing out of the club, into the streets. He doesn’t stop until he finds himself in a deserted alleyway.

 

He screams, punches the brick wall, and crumbles to the ground.

 

There, gripping his right wrist with his left hand, he lets himself look at the two deceptively small scars, centimetres apart, and thinks - soulmates are a fucking joke.

 

*

 

**LØRDAG 11.43**

 

Isak wakes up to the sound of footsteps and whistling from the hallway - making him regret ever willingly moving in with a morning person. He groans and burrows under his duvet, hoping to sleep his increasingly apparent hangover away, but then the events of last night hit him like a tidal wave.

 

Eskild met his soulmate.

 

Isak nearly sucked said soulmate’s dick.

 

Said soulmate intended to be caught in said compromising position.

 

It’s all a little too much to process in Isak’s fragile state, so when he hears the television being turned on, he decides he’d much rather tune it out.

 

He makes the long and arduous journey from his bed to the doorway of the common area and grunts as some semblance of a greeting.

 

He’s met with the cheeriest fucking “Halla!”

 

“Ugh why the fuck are you so happy… and awake… this early?”

 

Even looks up from the screen, raises his eyebrow incredulously and laughs. “It’s nearly noon Isak. Come on and join me, grace me with your grumpy company. I was just about to put on a film.” Even makes a show of lifting his blanket and tapping the couch cushion next to him.

 

He flips Even off, but immediately follows his instructions.

 

Once he’s settled on the couch, Even drapes his arm around Isak, fingers lightly running through his hair. Isak hums in content. “How was your night then? What’s Eskild’s soulmate like?”

 

“Oh um, I don’t know. Drank a bit too much and felt sick, so I left early.” Isak nuzzles into Even’s neck as he answers, to prevent Even from reading the discomfort and lies written all over his face.

 

Even just chuckles. Until he goes to takes Isak’s hand and notices all the scrapes along his knuckles.

 

“Isak… you punched someone?”

 

“Ha, oh, um, no, just fell. Cause ya know, drunk.” Even interlocks their fingers, lifting Isak’s hand to his mouth, pressing feather-light kisses to all the wounds. The intimacy is making his head spin.

 

_In a parallel universe, these touches mean he loves you._

 

_In a parallel universe, you don’t love him so these touches don't hurt you._

 

_In a parallel universe, you have your implant, you have your soulmate, you are not alone._

 

_In a parallel universe, there are no implants and Even would choose you._

 

_In a parallel -_

 

Isak rips his hand away and shoves it under the duvet. “Where’s Sonja today?” Even sighs and pushes his fingers just a tad too aggressively into Isak’s scalp.

 

“Staying with her family for a bit.” Translation - they fought again and Sonja needed space. The news makes him nuzzle further into Even, when he knows it shouldn’t. So he forces himself to look down at Even’s wrist.

 

 _He’s not yours_.

 

Where’s this nausea coming from - his stomach or his heart?

 

“What are we watching then?”

 

“Weekend! Have you heard of it?” Isak shakes his head. “Right, so it’s this pre-implant era romantic drama. It’s a simple premise on the surface - two men hook-up and get to know one another over the course of a single weekend. It’s breathtakingly beautiful and thoughtful - like it delves into so much about coming out, shame around pda and frank discussions of sex for queer people, the tragedy of a short-lived but passionate romance…”

 

Maybe it’s the lingering edginess of last night, the too-familiar touches that leave him bitter, the hangover leaving him nauseous and unfiltered, that makes him say what he does.

 

“So nothing that you’d have any fucking idea about then?” His tone is biting, and Isak immediately hates himself for opening his mouth.

 

Even’s fingers halt.

 

“Wow. Okay.” It feels like whiplash when Even removes his arm and tucks it in between his legs.

 

“Fuck, I don’t know why I said that.”

 

“No, I mean, you’re right.” Even’s voice is distant, his eyes trained on the screen. “I met Sonja not more than a month after I got my implant. I only know a blissful and perfect world with my soulmate. A _hetero, life-long_ -”

 

“Even. Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m a dick, you know that. I am the _master_ of putting my foot in my mouth.” Isak desperately tries for a teasing, self-deprecating tone to ease the tension.

 

Even is still stiff, but huffs a small laugh. Isak will take it.

 

The silences stretches on for an uncomfortably long period, before Even turns to Isak with a painful vulnerability in his eyes, “Just... I’m still pansexual -”

 

“I know you are, I-”

 

“Let me finish, I just need to get this out. The world may have decided for me that I will only be with Sonja, but I still feel what I feel, you know? Watching films like this lets me connect to a side of myself I’ll never get to explore fully. But that’s not fair for you to say I’ll never understand them - as if I need some kind of gay quota to be moved by the story, connect to it, long for it…” Even trails off, lost in thought.

 

“Gay quota? I like that. They should change the rating systems for films, no more general or mature audience. Nah, just straight up - you can only watch this if you’ve sucked like 3 dicks. Or like once you’ve ate a man’s ass out.”

 

“Films for gay teens - I kissed a boy and I liked it?”

 

“Exactly.”

 

Even crinkles his eyes and laughs. “Isak… I know it’s touchy whenever someone brings up the word implant - and don’t get mad at me for saying that. It’s true. But please don’t take it out on me. You’re my best friend. I love your grumpiness and snarkiness, mind directing it at everyone else though?”

 

“I can do that. And… I’m sorry Even. Let’s watch the movie, okay?” Isak playfully nudges him. “You going to keep massaging my scalp, then? I’m pitiful and hungover after all.”

 

“And a dick”

 

“And a dick, yes. A poor, pathetic dick.”

 

With that, Even reaches around Isak again and they begin the film.

 

 

*****

 

**MANDAG 17.21**

 

_“Are you serious Even? I told you to move the laundry to the dryer this morning! Now it reeks and we’ll have to pay to run the load again! Not to mention use more detergent!”_

 

_“I said I forgot! I’m sorry! I was running late, in a rush, and wasn’t thinking!”_

 

_“You never think! Not when it comes to that! You were more than happy to go on a fucking ten-minute soliloquy about the use of the Khrushchev Effect -”_

 

_“You mean the Kuleshov Effect!”_

 

_“Ugh yes the Kuleshov Effect in the Godfather this morning, but you didn’t have the time to move the laundry?! Where is your head? I’m tired of reminding you to do basic -”_

 

Sonja’s shouting is dialed down to a murmur once Isak manages to get untangle his headphones and frantically press play on his music app. He flings one of his pillows over his ear, as he flops on his side, for good measure.

 

When Even and Sonja offered a room to Isak six months ago, he happily agreed. The kollektiv was overcrowded - Noora had just come back (broke) from an internship in London and was crashing on the couch, Eskild was bringing hook-ups (loud, intrusive, shameless ones) back nearly every night, and Linn, well, she was fine - and the rent for their place was a third less than that at the kollektiv, so it seemed like a good decision.

 

Now?

 

Absolutely not.

 

Isak is a permanent audience of one to the Even and Sonja Squabble Show. For all the two talk about being in love, with their wrists that declare it to the world, they sure are miserable. Further cementing his theory that the whole soulmate system is bullshit.

 

The thought should comfort him, but it doesn’t.

 

_“- gendered nature of household labour!”_

 

_“I agree! The work shouldn’t be put on you because you’re the woman! I just fo-”_

 

Isak turns the volume up, but knows that he needs to figure out plans lest he wants to hear this for rest of the evening.

  


**THE BOYS**

 

 **Isak:** Hostage situation over here

 

 **Mahdi:** Oh bro, again? Seriously?

 

 **Isak:** I think I heard Sonja calculating the price of detergent per load

 

 **Magnus:** HA

Let’s start a GoFundMe campaign to buy them some

 

 **Mahdi:** Sorry man, anyway heard you were there when Eskild met his mate, Issy K!

 

 **Jonas:** Barely, Issy ran home sick while it all went down

 

 **Magnus:** LightweIGHT

 

 **Jonas:** But the guy seems chill, name is Ambrøse, he and Eskild left before I really got a chance to talk to him though

 

 **Mahdi:** Sick, can’t wait to get back to Oslo, holiday with the extended fam is all stress

 

 **Isak:** Yeah miss ya bro

But guys back to the situation here

 

 **Jonas:** Sorry man, going to be in the office grading half-assed papers from first years for the next century

 

 **Magnus:** Chilling with Vilde! Come hang with us!

 

 **Isak:** Ugh no

 

Isak dramatically flops his phone down.

 

_“I can’t possibly be the Ross in this relationship because you’re the Monica!”_

 

_“What?! You’re calling us SIBLINGS?!”_

 

_“No - GOD you never listen - I’m saying that because you’re the Monica, I CAN’T be the Ross because they ARE siblings! You’re the Monica and I’m clearly the Phoebe and we are gay and in lo-”_

 

_“YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE!”_

 

Isak huffs and picks his phone up again.

  


**GRINDR**

 

 **Dickmate69:** 11 inches, vers, DTF

 

 **Hubbyhunter123:** ur cute, u mated? i won’t tell ;)

 

 **Beardown:** *dick pic*

 

 **xxMilkMeHarveyxx:** *dick pic*

  
  
  


**Dahlesque:** I like your shirt, never thought I’d get to talk to someone from the illuminati, especially not on this hell of an app

 

 **Isakyaki:** Ha! It’s all about hiding in plain sight. The more visible, the weirder - the less the public will believe it

 

 **Dahlesque:** You should tell me more about your plans for a world global order at mine

 

 **Isakyaki:** I’ve never been propositioned, so quickly, with conspiracy theories before

 

 **Dahlesque:** It’s not working?

  


_“- putting sour cream on everything doesn’t make you a Michelin star chef Even!”_

 

_“You said that my Mac and Cheese was the best you’ve ever had! Do you know what was the secret ingredient?! SOUR CREAM!”_

 

_“You’re so fucking grating! You know what?! I’m going to go vegan!”_

 

_“That would be great actually! I would support you wholeheartedly! I have been meaning to cut down on my dairy consumption! Let’s do it together!”_

 

_“Sounds like a plan!”_

 

_“But also shove a load of grated vegan cheese up your -”_

 

 **Isakyaki:** Oh it’s definitely working.

Pin me your address, I’ll head over now.

  


*

 

**MANDAG 19.48**

 

“Phew, that was good. You up for another round?”

 

“Yeah, just give me a second man”

 

Julian gets out of bed and heads toward the windowsill. “Want a smoke?” Isak shakes his head and closes his eyes, trying to savour the post-orgasm high before it fades.

 

There’s the sound of a window creaking open and the flick of a lighter. “Mind if I ask, what’s the story with your implant?”

 

Isak’s eyes snap open before he barks, “Yes, I mind. So don’t.”

 

“Ha alright chill dude, just a conversation starter. Sometimes people have compelling reasons for taking theirs out that they want to share. Some big brother conspiracy, political protest, religious beliefs - guess yours is the tragic backstory kind. Didn’t mean to poke a nerve.”

 

Isak is now sitting straight up, any remnants of the relaxation he felt just seconds ago now vanished. “Tragic backstory? Could you be anymore condescending?”

 

“Oh come on, what’s the big deal? Don’t be such a tightass. I thought I loosened yours plenty just now.” Isak rolls his eyes so hard, they might as well have popped out from the force. “Isak, us just now, proves that you’re not destined for a life of celibacy without it. You can still have mind-blowing sex.”

 

“That’s easy for you to say.”

 

Julian stubs the butt of his cigarette into an ashtray and walks back to the bed. “Yeah I have mine. Whatever. That’s irrelevant.” He tries to lean over Isak, inching forward to kiss at his neck, before Isak pushes him back.

 

“It’s not though! You can act all nonchalant about this - hooking up, being single, whatever - because you have that reassurance that someday you’ll find the person you’re meant to be with!”

 

“Just an hour ago, you were bitching about your annoying roommates, yeah? Went on a whole tirade about how everyone you know who has met their soulmate is miserable! If that’s what having a soulmate is like, why do you even care?” Julian, clearly finding the conversation more amusing than stressful, starts to caress Isak’s inner thigh.

 

Isak’s too riled up to feel anything remotely resembling aroused. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? Yeah, his friends are insecure in their relationships, or fight all the time, or fuck knows what’s going to happen with Eskild and that slimebag, but - at least they have all someone. It’s a pathetic thought, one that he knows logically doesn’t make much sense, but his loneliness is clouding his vision. Julian’s sweaty hand is making him long for Even’s. Making him wistful for a chance with someone he will never have. Even just for a weekend, a day, a minute, he wishes he could see the love he feels reflected back at him -

 

“Because I don’t get a choice!”

 

The room is silent apart from the commotion from the streets leaking in through the window.

 

After a minute, Julian responds, his tone still oozing flippancy, “Isn’t it the other way around? That the rest of us don’t get a choice? The implant dictates who we’re supposed to love, when we’ll meet them, and then that’s it.”

 

“Then why don’t you rip yours off? In your fucking political protest!”

 

But Julian just laughs him off, while Isak is still brimming with an indignant energy. He knows then that the fun part of the evening is over. He lunges off the bed and starts putting his clothes on.

 

“Seriously Isak? You’re going to run off just because of a little tiff?”

 

His head is stuck in his shirt, in his frantic and clumsy attempt for speed, when he responds, “I think it had something to do with you being a massive boner killer.” Not the smoothest delivery, but whatever. Fuck this guy.

 

“Well you’re just a massive dick.”

 

“Wish I could call yours the same.” Isak slams the door behind him.

 

*****

 

**MANDAG 20.18**

 

When Isak is running up the stairs to his flat, he finds Sonja folded in a ball outside their front entrance. As he inches closer, he can hear a faint sniffling.

 

“Um, hi Sonja”

 

She wipes under her eyes and then looks up at Isak, barely whispering a greeting back.

 

“Whatcha… doing out here Son...ja?” He plops down beside her and knocks his knee against hers.

 

“Oh um.” She stops to cough, voice clearly spent after the last few hours, “I can’t go back in there. And I can’t deal with my family. So I’m stuck. I guess I live in this hallway now.”

 

Isak furrows his brows, “Did… Even kick you out? Does he own the flat now?”

 

Sonja shakes her head. “I-” Her voice is shaking, exposing that she’s on the verge of tears, so she takes a deep breath and tries again, “I am just so tired Isak.”

 

“Sleep in my room tonight. I’ll sneak you in, come on.” Without letting Sonja refuse his proposal, he stands up and holds his hand out to Sonja. She looks up, red-eyed and vulnerable, and grips tightly.

 

He opens the door, first popping his head in to make sure Even isn’t lingering in the common area, and sees that the door to his room is shut, the sound of angsty indie music emitting from the paper-thin walls. Motioning to Sonja to follow, they make their way to his bedroom. He goes straight to his drawer, finds a pair of trackies and an over-sized shirt - giving them a quick sniff test and eye-over for any offensive stains - and hands them to her.  

 

Once they’re in bed, he wraps his arms around her and she immediately relaxes at his touch.

 

“Thank you Isak.”

 

“Anytime Sonja. I’m always here for you, I hope you know that.” With that, she falls asleep in an instant.

 

Isak doesn’t get a wink of sleep, hypnotised by the flashing on Sonja’s wrist. 

**Author's Note:**

> Next Chapter: Eva


End file.
